I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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