Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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