I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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