Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
