My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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