I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
