This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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