I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Life is so much better after having sex.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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