508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
