After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
