im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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