Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize