take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
