when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Jerry, you need to find god
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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