I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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