I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
