There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
