i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
