What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
