is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize