home. puking in laundry basket.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
