I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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