and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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