I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
