Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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