WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
