What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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