she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
