i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
