ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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