I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
