Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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