remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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