i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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