he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
