i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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