fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
