I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
