We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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