apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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