OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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