I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
