You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
