Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
