I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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