oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
