I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
is that a dick in a sweater?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
