last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
