her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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