I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
