dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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