She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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