I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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