I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
