I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
