Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
