Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
