feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize