Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
