You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
