Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
