I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
