Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
