**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just found puke in my bra..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
