the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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