Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
