I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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