she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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