Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
