I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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