you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize