he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
