I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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