About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
