talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
