Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
