kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize