just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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