but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
