he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize