I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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