these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize