Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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