My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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