I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
