doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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