the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize