They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
