Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
