just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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