Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
