How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Terrible idea I love it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
