My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize